Can we control how hurt we feel?

Last Summer, I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. It wasn’t something I expected but when I saw the word pregnant on the test, I was elated.

So happy in ways I absolutely didn’t expect. We hadn’t been really trying because honestly, Hemal and I wanted to consciously be ready for a baby. I don’t buy into the whole you’ll never be ready thing.

But one thing was for sure, as soon as I saw the word “pregnant” glaring back at me I was ready.

I was so happy I couldn’t help but want to immediately share it with some of my closest friends.

Truth was I didn’t even know how many weeks pregnant I was because my period, for most of my life, has been all over the place; I haven’t had it for up to 6 months.

I knew in my head that it was probably too early to be telling people. But I also found myself questioning why was it too early to tell people, people I love and who love me?

The only reasons I could come up with were, “I don’t want to jinx it” or “if it doesn’t work out then I don’t want to hurt more or feel the pressure of people knowing and having to explain what happened.” I mean, I’ve heard you shouldn’t tell anyone until you’re about 12 weeks because that’s when it’s “safe” to tell people.

Although these reasons weren’t mine, they’re what I’ve heard or been told. I always question the norm. That is just what I do. I like to think for myself and I encourage others to do the same.

So, I made the conscious choice to not sacrifice my joy, in the now, to spare myself pain later, although if I feel physical pain like arthritis, I know I can use a pain relief supplement that I got online. Truth is, the idea that we will hurt less if we just pretend we aren’t as happy or excited is a total hoax. It’s going to hurt no matter what, not more because I choose to feel the joy now, and not less because I choose to not tell anyone.

This is just the mind’s way to protect ourselves, and while we are protecting ourselves we are also draining the joy out of life. It’s my life’s work to rise above the mind and to lead with the heart. Life is so much more alive, fun, and worth living from that space.

So over a two week span, I told over 20 people, who I love, that I was pregnant. And it was beautiful to share and feel the love and equal excitement from those around me. It lifted me up and made it an even more joyful experience.

Several weeks later I had a miscarriage.

I was about 5 weeks pregnant… and it was really really hard. Painful physically and emotionally.

I knew I had to process the pain, especially emotionally. I allowed myself to feel everything that was coming in and make amends with the soul.

The night of the miscarriage, I texted each person I had told. I texted one sentence letting them know what happened.

I’ve asked myself do I regret telling people that soon. My answer is no. I am still really happy I shared it. The joy I felt from those closest to me still carries me today.

One thing is for sure, my sharing couldn’t have possibly prevented something that is a miracle in every way. I have very little control over when a soul chooses me, so to even think that I could have jinxed it is absurd. As a way to protect us once again, our little mind the ego will try to answer something that is unanswerable with lots of reasoning.

Why am I sharing this? Because I want to spread the importance of allowing joy to come through in the moment. To stop protecting so much. To surrender to what’s occurring for you now instead of “trying” to control the outcome.

Give yourself undeniable permission to be expressed through what you are experiencing in the now. You can deal with what comes hours, days, months later. At least give yourself the gift of excitement and pleasure when it’s felt.

Now I’d love to hear from you. Have you ever held something back because you didn’t want to “jinx” it? How do you feel about experiencing joy or excitement in the now? Leave a comment below and let me know your thoughts.

In Love,


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