Kavita, Hemal, and brother on New Years

How being too “open” to love can make you unknowingly settle in a relationship

This week I wanted to let you in on an experience I watched my brother go through around Love.

He met a girl online who he really liked.

They had been talking for about 3 weeks (a LOT), getting to know one another and having those deep-hearted conversations.

Yes my brother is deep. Runs in the family. 🙂

So last week, my brother decided to come see her for New Years Eve. She lives in NYC and he lives in Ohio.

I suggested that they meet up first and then come meet us at my friends party if they felt like it.

When he got in from his flight, he was nervous! They had many Facetime conversations, so they knew the intellectual attraction was there, but he didn’t know if they would have that physical connection too.

It’s so difficult to know if you are physically attracted to someone unless you can feel their presence and energy in person.

So that night, he got ready and went to go meet her.

Several hours later they came to meet up with Hemal and I.

I was so happy to see them!

I had so much fun.

The first thing my brother says after introducing his date was “she’s been having a bad day. Her entire purse flipped over in the subway and she doesn’t love her dress, so she’s feeling a little self-conscious.”

I think this was my brother’s way of letting me know the state of things currently and to help her break the ice.

So I said to her, “That sucks that you have been having a bad day. You look beautiful!”

As the night progressed, Hemal and I were hanging out talking to people at the party, giving my brother and his date time to get to know one another.

There was this moment before midnight hit, where I looked at my brother and he looked totally bored.

I intuitively knew he was a “No”. He wasn’t interested at all.

But I kept it to myself.

The next day, after we all woke up I said, “So what did you think of her?”

He replied and said, “I don’t know, we’ll see.”

I said, “You aren’t interested in her.”

He looked at me like a deer in headlights and was like, “No I don’t know.”

Then he took a deep breath in and said, “Yeah, I am not into her at all.”

I said, “It’s okay. It is how you FEEL. Honor it.

But it is interesting how you went from liking her to not liking her, within hours. What happened?”

He said, “Well the first thing is there just wasn’t this physical attraction for me. Even though she was pretty, it just wasn’t there and the physical attraction piece is so important for me.”

I dug a little deeper, “When you saw pictures online, because there were full body pictures of her, did you get that sense, that it just wasn’t there?”

He said, “Actually yes, but I just thought I should be open and not be closed minded or too picky.”

But he wasn’t being picky!

He just knew what he wanted.

I hear the same sentiment from women all the time: “I should just be open and give someone a chance.”

I think what is MORE important is to ask yourself if you FEEL excited and compelled to really reach out to this person.

Being open means that you are internally aligned with receiving love, and fully ready to give it.

Often we have one or the other but not both and we are settling in a relationship.

That is why the work I do is so important. That is why I created my Soul Level Love program.

It is about seeing all the love blocks we have within ourselves and releasing them. So we can love ourselves more, know what we deserve and be really open to what is possible.

It’s not about just giving different people a lot of chances when we know it’s not right.

I want you to ask yourself, is there something inspiring about this person that makes me want to get to know them further?

If a YES comes up even if it is a softer YES, then see it through.

If not you have every right to say this person just isn’t right for me.

So, in my brothers situation I explained to him that it is important for you to declare to yourself what you want and you are allowed to stick to that, with a little bit of wiggle room.

He declared, “I want a woman I am attracted to physically, someone who is spiritual, and someone that is vegetarian. Those things are really important to me.”

Then he said to me,  “Do you think I can meet the right person?”

And to that I said, “ABSOLUTELY!”

What I want you to get out of my brother’s story is first that men go through the same things that we do when it comes to love.

Secondly, it is SO important to get clear on what qualities you want in a man.  You are allowed to not always be in a state of, “I should just be open” and avoid settling in a relationship.

Your Lovework this week is to tell me below in the comments what are the 2 – 3 qualities you are declaring you want in a man?

In Love,


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