Kavita, Hemal, and dad on the beach

Feeling like a love loser? Here’s the truth.

I talked to a client of mine, let’s call her Mary, called.

She was going through a breakup with a man who she thought was “the one” for her. She SO understandably has been through every emotion possible.

Mary needed some girlfriend support and comfort because she was feeling lonely.

She decided to go to her friend’s house. A woman who is married to this amazing man, has a baby girl and lives in a beautiful home.

Mary assumed that they would go out to dinner, but when she asked her friend, “Where are we going to eat?” she replied, “Oh Tom (her husband) and I are having date night.”

Mary was so disappointed even though she knew they didn’t make solid plans.

She said to me, “I feel like such a loser. I was sitting there watching how much my friend has. She has it all. The husband, child and a beautiful home. It makes me feel like I just don’t have my life together. Like there is something wrong with me. I know she has her problems too, but it just hits me like I am less than.”

I totally understood and let her in on what happened to me earlier that day. I had felt exactly the same way.

I said to her and myself (I love how that works), “We all can feel like losers sometimes. In fact it is SO GOOD to have a hit of that as much as you can. I think it throws our egos for a loop.”

I want to expand on this sentiment to you if you are feeling like a bit of a “love loser”.

This feeling lets us show up in our truest state, our most vulnerable state.

I am a huge believer in vulnerability and the expression of that as the access point to deeper, lasting love in our lives.

In fact when we get vulnerable we call in another caliber, a higher caliber of love. One that can hold everything we are.

This love loser feeling allows us to feel connected to our humanness.

It allows us to put away our mask for just a bit and give ourselves permission to let our heart show.

The “I’ve got it all together” thing that we all want to show up like feeds our ego.

It makes us be someone we think others want to see and protect ourselves from judgment.

We have all felt judged from our parents, friends and society. When we feel it, we translate that judgement as pain.

That pain triggers the brain and the brain says, ‘let’s close the doors to our heart so we don’t feel that anymore’.

You see, trying to have it all together just triggers a whole series of thoughts that make us feel like we are all alone in the world. Even if you are in a relationship.

But those love loser moments allow us to be free of protection. It is actually such a beautifully free place.

The people I admire the most, the ones that have moved me the most, the books and movies I have read and watched that have affected me the most – were the ones that were raw, real and showed the dynamic of who we are as humans.

It is how we can ALL feel at times. You are NOT alone.

This week’s Lovework is to allow yourself to feel the freedom in not having it all together. Share below in the comments, an area in your life where you felt like a “love loser” and how you plan to let go.

You can feel it right now, meditate on it or just tell a friend what you are really feeling instead of putting a fake smile on your face.

It’s up to you.

I just want you to feel the relief, connectedness and aliveness in not having it all together (and yes sometimes feeling like a loser).

At the end of the day you are so many things – including absolutely divine.

In Love,


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