I’m totally crushing on him! What do I do about it?

I’ve been looking for ways to really let myself be a kid lately and find simple things that make me smile.

I used to color and draw all the time as a kid and it was mostly hearts. I drew a picture for myself the other day and wanted to share it with you because you’re a special part of my life and I want you to have my heart too!


Now, have you ever had a crush on a guy you barely knew, but there was just something about him you couldn’t stop thinking about?

Recently one of my clients, Lori, was crushing hard on a guy she met through work.

He was cute, warm, super smart, passionate about the work he was doing, and frequently complimented her on how awesome she was at her job.   

This was the first time in a long time that Lori had been interested in someone.  The thought of what was possible with him really excited her.

Now when she would tell me about him, a red flag went off because I felt like she didn’t know enough about him to be crushing so hard.

She would send me emails describing the interactions they were having on and off for about a month (like how he told her she did an amazing job at their business meeting or he brought her a coffee the way she liked it) and I kept advising her to get to know him better and see if he really was potential mate.

Just this week, he friend requested her on Facebook and she quickly found out that he has a girlfriend.

Of course it was good that she found this out before crushing for a longer period of time, but it was interesting to me because I have met so many women that have had crushes on men for months only to find out that he was taken,  and then they are devastated.

Not only that, but that just sends them straight into the thought that all the good ones are taken!

Seeing this happen and even experienced myself, I dug deeper to really understand why we do this to ourselves and what can we do to get clearer faster in these kinds of CRUSH situations.

Here’s the thing, CRUSHES for the most part are distractions and allow us to stay SAFE and in our comfort zones.

LOVE and your future family exist outside of your comfort zone.

We fill our mind up with the idea of someone and we fantasize about the possibilities. It is definitely exciting and fun, yet it isn’t REAL.

In this state, a rational, super-smart women forgets to find out if the guy she likes is single. She tells herself that he seems to be interested because he’s flirting with me. She feels like she has some sort of prospect.

I know it feels good to know that there may be a man you have the possibility of dating. It can even feel like you’re making progress in your love life because you have “options”

But the truth is, having a prospect just to have one is our way of keeping REAL LOVE at bay.

So, how do you GET REAL with yourself around a crush you currently have that’s not going anywhere?

1.     Ask yourself what your true intention around meeting the man of your dreams is right now.

To find true love, the intention you hold needs to be “I want to meet a man who is relationship-ready and wants to find the love of his life, too.”

It can’t be a waffly intention of “Let’s just see what happens in my love life” because that is exactly what the Universe will deliver.

An intention is a determination to ACT in a certain way.

It isn’t about trying to control a certain outcome. I am making this distinction because when we we start to get attached to a certain outcome, we actually move away from the intention, it starts to feel like a lot of pressure and desperation will kick in.

And that is SO not what I am saying.

I want you to liiterally visualize yourself interacting only with men that are worth your time and energy.

2.    Identify what fears are coming up for you about meeting a man that is relationship-ready and emotionally available for you.

When we have a crush that we aren’t really doing anything about we have to ask ourselves what are we scared of. What is holding you back from telling him how you feel or finding out his relationship status? Really sit with this and see what comes up for you.

3.     Are you still in love with someone else?

Sometimes we have been so hurt in the past by someone or are still daydreaming about a past love that having a crush is a way to take up headspace. It’s a distraction so we don’t actually have to think about the other guy.

I invite you to really look at this one.  Are you still thinking about a past love on a daily basis? If so then that needs to be handled first, before you are really emotionally ready to be open to new love.

4.     Find out if he is single as soon as possible. (Or have a friend help you)

There are so many ways to find out if someone is a in a relationship.

You can find out on Facebook or other social media if you’re connected in that way, have a friend or coworker you trust ask for you, strike up a conversation about what they did over the weekend, or simply ask if they’ve been seeing anyone.

If you find out he is in a relationship, then you have gotten the clarity you need to focus your energy towards a new man, someone who is relationship-ready and emotionally available.

If he is single, then the final step is to let him in on it!

5.     Tell him you’re into him!

If your intention to build a lasting relationship with a relationship-ready man is genuine, you feel truly ready and have navigated through your fears, then it’s time let the man you’re crushing on in on how you’re feeling.

Here’s what you can say. My comments are in brackets:

“I’ve really been enjoying our interactions and I think you are a really special person [you can include compliments here about experiences you have had together to appreciate him].  I’m not sure if I have been reading this wrong, but it feels like we have been flirting and there’s a connection. I wanted to know if you feel that way too?

Following these steps will get you clear quickly about if there is a reason to keep crushing on this man and if it has REAL potential.

If you’re terrified at the thought of even doing this and letting him in on how you feel, then there’s more going on for you beneath the surface.

Your Lovework for this week is to:

In the comments below, tell me about a crush you have right now and what you would like to see happen. What’s coming up for you about letting him in on how you’re feeling?

I want to hear from you!

In Love,


Sign up for free updates

    By entering your email, you consent to receive marketing & promotional messages from Kavita Jhaveri.