On Thursday night, I ran out after a speaking gig and hopped on a plane to meet one of my best friends in Paris. YES, I went to Paris for the weekend! And it was absolutely FABULOUS!
This wasn’t my first time in Paris, and I couldn’t help but notice that the city is so freaking romantic and love is in the air constantly. The architecture of the city is so breath taking, and somehow everything felt SO MUCH slower there. I guess any city would feel slower than NYC!
I stuffed my face with brie, baguettes, chocolate croissants, and macaroons. The food there is completely divine and the produce is like nothing we get here in the States.
My bestie and I enjoyed many 3 hour meals with venting, chatting, and laughing…and a little Prosecco!
In the midst of people watching at Café Ruc, right near the Louvre, it hit me.
My bestie and I are very similar in certain ways, but can still be very opposite. We were born 2 weeks apart, got married 2 weeks apart, and we are soul sisters. Given that, sometimes we are too close for comfort. We can absolutely push each other’s buttons, and in the past if she were to say anything to me about being a certain way, I would absolutely take it to heart, and pretty much get upset.
For example, there is a running joke amongst my friends that I am bold and blunt- no surprise, right! Basically what they mean is that I will say it like it is, be straightforward, and sometimes will say things to my friends that they aren’t ready to hear, knowing that I have their best interest at heart. They would call this “pulling a Kavi” (Kavi is my nickname).
Back then, I took it personally. I thought my friends didn’t like me to be this way so, I stopped voicing my opinion. I didn’t want them to hate me or to pull away.
Then one fine day I was sick of it. I had been resisting who I was naturally in order to accommodate them, and I wasn’t going to dumb it down anymore. I decided to ask a close friend if she disliked it when I “pulled a Kavi”. She replied, “Of course not. We love that about you. It is just that it takes us some time to digest what you are saying, because we aren’t always ready for the truth.”
Light bulb moment!! I realized HOLY CRAP I had made up an entire story about how I shouldn’t be BOLD, and then blamed my friends for not allowing me to be myself.
Back to Paris…while at Café Ruc, my bestie said, “Sometimes it can be really intense being with you” (this was within context of something else we were discussing). Instead of getting upset, the most amazing thing happened. I said to her without being triggered whatsoever, “You are totally right, I can be intense”. I OWNED IT. I wasn’t upset or thought I should be a different way. I completely 100% agreed. I could have taken what she said and thought, “This is all she thinks of me” and quickly moved into feeling completely inadequate. But I didn’t, thank God!
I tell you this story because OWNING who you are in every way is MASSIVELY important in finding the man of your dreams or making your current relationship magnificent. When you can OWN aka LOVE yourself, all of a sudden, the mental chatter stops.
You were put on this planet for a reason. You have gifts that come naturally to you and the people closest to you will love and dislike you for it at times, but it is your gift nonetheless. And to be honest, we think the same of them.
I have known my bestie since I was 10. Clearly she loves me and isn’t going anywhere. By owning who I am, it is MUCH EASIER to connect and share WAY more with her, instead of retreating into my head questioning her, myself and our friendship. That is a waste of energy.
Lovework:
The very next time you are out with a friend or a family member and they say something about you, or you feel they were implying something negative about who you are, right then and there, CLEAR IT UP. Ask them in a neutral way, “What did you mean by that?
They will tell you, and I will honestly say to you it is probably NOT anywhere close to what you think they meant. It will save you a whole lot of heartache and help you OWN and LOVE yourself more. This is one of the first steps towards finding a true love relationship: LEARNING TO LOVE YOU FOR YOU!
Let me know if you have every experienced something like this with a friend or loved one, and how you handled it. Share your comments below!
In Love,
