Mind the Love Gap

Have you ever been to London on their subway system, which is called the Underground. All over the Underground you will see “Mind the Gap”. This phrase originated there in 1969 and it simply means take caution while crossing the gap between the train and the station platform.

This phrase is fabulous and metaphorically has a lot to do with how we as women operate in our relationships.

This is a typical scenario. A bunch of women whom are all friends get together and begin to talk about their lives, the good the bad and the ugly. The topic of love and sex inevitably comes up. One woman says for my birthday my husband took my out to dinner and bought me this amazing gift from Tiffany’s. Another women talk’s about how her in-laws gave her this beautiful necklace over the holidays. A Third woman discusses how here sex life could be better, because she is only having sex twice a week. Then a fourth woman says the other day I put on a beautiful and dress and heels and my boyfriend told me if I dressed up like this all the time he would be in heaven.

All of sudden your brain goes into overdrive, and you are thinking I don’t ever get a present from my man on my birthday, he does take me out, but all I get is a card. And who the heck has sex twice a week!? I can barely have it once a week! I can’t believe she is complaining about twice! And when is the last time I received a compliment from my man on how beautiful I look. Heck, my in-laws NEVER get me anything.

Suddenly you are thinking there is something majorly wrong with your relationship. You entered this conversation feeling decent about your relationship, and you leave it in a panic.

I hear and see it all the time; I have even been a victim of this scenario. The other day a client of mine says to me my best friend is having sex with her beau all the time and I feel like there is something wrong in my relationship because we aren’t having it as often. She was like HELP should I talk to my boyfriend about this.

I responded with hold your horses, girl. Is your sex drive the same as your best friends? Is the sex drive of her man the same as your man?

Every couple is different and has different requirements and needs. Just like strengths, not everyone is strong in the same way; if that was the case this world would be pretty mundane. However, somehow when we hear how someone else is doing we are triggered and expect our relationship should be the same. Give yourself a break sista, don’t panic.

There are definitely qualities that my husband has, that my best friend could never tolerate, and vice a versa. So, just like no two people are made the same neither are couples. When you hear other people talk about their relationships keep in mind you are only hearing a little part of the story.

Therefore, when I say mind the love gap, what I mean is focus on what excites you about YOUR man in the present, don’t take stuff from the past or what excites you in comparison to other men, take what excites you about who your man is today in the present (station platform) or what YOU would like your future to be like together (train), and don’t get stuck in the gap of comparing yourself to other woman or couples. If you get stuck it will erode away at the stable happy connected parts of your relationship.

MIND THE LOVE GAP, you don’t want anything falling between in the gap because it makes it pretty hard to get it back ( you can get it back, but why take a chance).

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In Love,


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