a couple head to head

Are You A High Horse Or A Pedestal Pusher?

You are probably wondering what the heck am I talking about. Well this article will shed light into where you stand in your relationship. Most women are in one category or the other, and if you’re not in either than you are good. But, if you are in a category then your relationship might be suffering because of it.

Are you on your high horse? I was one of those for the longest time. Simply put I thought I was better than my man but I didn’t know this was the case. I thought that I had my life together, was achieving at work, made more than him (at the time) and was way more spiritual. Because I felt I had myself together for the most part, or at least more than him, I felt it was my role to show him the way.

For example, when he was interviewing for a job I would constantly ask him how it was going, if he had sent them a thank you note and did he say this or that. His eyes would glaze over and he would simply say it went well. Nothing more than that. Then if a week or two had passed and he hadn’t heard back from the company he interviewed with, then I would say you should follow up.

You catch my drift. I was acting as if he had no idea what he was doing. Meanwhile he was taking care of things in his own way, NOT my way, his way. And he wouldn’t tell me about it because any time he tried I would override it with what I thought.

The way he translated all of this, even though for me it was all out of love, was “she thinks I have no idea what I am doing, hence I am not good enough.” Ladies let’s just say you have a lot more power than you think.

I didn’t know this is how he was translating my words. That’s why I kept giving him advice on everything. Somehow I was so high on my horse that I noticed the distance, but it looked like a pot hole instead of the valley I was creating between us.

If you resonate with the high horse syndrome, then you are probably wondering how do I help myself and my relationship…right? I will explain in a moment.

If you don’t resonate with high horse, then you may resonate with pedestal pusher.

I was talking to a friend of mine that was having relationship issues. She was asking me for help with her anger issues. I intuitively knew her anger had something to do with her relationship.

I started asking her how her relationship with her hubby was. She started off by saying he is really amazing, and he supports me, and he does get mad every now and then at me, but that is because he should. I don’t always do things in the right way.

I asked for an example. She explained for example he get’s really upset when my clothes are everywhere at home, and he has every right to be, because I am not organized and I am too lazy to put everything away.

Right off the bat I could tell she was a pedestal pusher. She thought of herself as being less than him. She would push a pedestal under him even though his demands were wearing on her. Deep down she believed having a happy relationship meant he was right, even though every time she turned the other cheek more anger would bubble to the surface.

I even said this to her but because this was common place like fish to water; she couldn’t see what was right in front of her. Even in the middle of her example she felt the need to say he is a really good guy; I don’t want you to think he is a bad person. I reassured her that I thought nothing of the sort, but that her reaction to him was not creating a foundation for a happy loving relationship for her or for him.

The root cause to being a high horse or pedestal pusher is the same; both categories don’t see their relationship as a TEAM. The relationship is seen as a power play, one being bigger or smaller than the other.

In a team every person has different strengths and weaknesses, but in a team all of that balances out because someone’s weaknesses are another person’s strength. That is what a relationship should look like, each person leading in their strengths.

Here is how you naturally become a team player in your relationship:

1. Do you know your strengths? If so then use, communicate, and build on them. If you don’t then take out a pen and paper, and begin to write them down. Marcus Buckingham’s definition of strength is any activity which, when you do it, makes you feel strong.

2. Do you know your partners strengths? Without recognizing them it may be hard to be a team player and appreciate him. If you really can’t think of the strengths then ask him, remembering that things that seem so easy to you may be difficult for him.

3. Create an intention together or for yourself (it works either way), to see one another as capable individuals, that are supporting one another through what each of you do best.

Once you start to figure out each other’s strengths and weaknesses you can start to see the dynamics of you relationship from a whole new perspective and work together to live the life you both want.

In Love,


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