A couple of weekends ago Hemal and I went on a spiritual retreat to a temple and ashram in New Jersey that I used to go to for summer camp when I was younger.

The ashram means so much to me because it was a pivotal experience in my childhood that I feel has shaped who I am today.

I learned meditation and ancient mantras that I use in my life everyday to get me back to a grounded, present place. In fact Hemal proposed to me there because he knew how much it meant to me.

The interesting thing about this is that in the first couple of years of marriage I wished, prayed, and hoped that he would get involved with me in Jainism, my religion, which is more of a spiritual path than how we see religion in the West.

In fact it was one of the reasons we were on the brink of divorce.

The reason it had become so bad was multi-faceted, but I was internally panicking that I would have to be strong enough to be the only one to pass down religious and cultural traditions to our kids.

Now you might be thinking ‘but Kavita I didn’t think you had kids’. And you would be RIGHT. But as you know some of us women in some way, we are always thinking about our future children (I was one of those!).

What allowed me to ultimately get what I wanted within my relationship was VULNERABILITY. I was terrified of telling him that I didn’t feel strong enough to be responsible of providing all of the cultural and religious aspects to our children.

Because if he said, “Well YES you are, you can totally handle it” without offering to help, I would have been devastated.

So, I chose to say nothing. Have you ever been there?

One fine day I found the courage to let him know what I was really thinking.

I got out that the reason I was nagging, obsessing, and demanding at times for him to get involved with my temple or to even come with me was because I was having flashes of our children and all the work I would have to do by myself.

When I finally got that out, you know what he said?! He was like, “This is what all of this is about? Of course we are in this together. You will not have to do it alone.”

HUGE EXHALE, right?

Being the amazing man that he is, he wants to make me happy while still honoring what feels right for him. Because he knew that I needed help instead of trying to be perfect and strong all the time, he was ready to swoop in and support me.

So here we are today, where we are both authentically getting involved in something that is so important to our relationship and how we contribute back to the world.

As a couple we are so aligned, and that was something foreign to me at one point. It brought tears to my eyes during our weekend at the ashram.

There is this magnificent temple on the grounds where the vibes are truly incredible – similar to what you’d feel in the Himalayas. We meditated together and I will tell you that I was in utter bliss.

It’s the kind of thing you have to experience, but the amount of joy that is available to us when we are not focused on wanting, having, or disliking parts of our life is infinite.

So much JOY for just existing, it was profound.

When I came back to reality on Sunday, back in the energy of NYC, I turned on the television and saw that there was a Master Class on Alicia Keys on OWN.

I love Alicia. She is extremely talented and I wanted to hear what she had to say about her life and the lessons she had learned from her success.

Towards the end of the hour, she revealed how after arriving into success she still couldn’t take it in.

It felt like it could all go away at a blink of an eye for her.

It was her way to get herself to work harder, but it wasn’t helping her. When she would talk about desires she had for her life she would often say “IF this album becomes a hit then…” “IF I get this deal…” and a friend of hers said, why do you say “If” so much? It’s like you don’t believe you have created everything that you have. Words are important they create your future.”

She thought about that and immediately understood what her friend was saying.

After that, she hasn’t used the word IF ever again when talking about desires and dreams. Instead, she used the word WHEN.

I thought of you as my reader when she said this because you may be saying to yourself or others, “If I ever get married…” “If I have the family that I want…”

What I want to challenge you on is to start to shift into, “When I find the love of my life, When I get married, When I have the family I desire.” {Tweet this}

Can you feel the difference in how you say this?

Your Lovework this week is to watch all the ways you say IF, and shift that into a WHEN.

So tell me below on the blog all of the ways you can declare some of those desires starting with a WHEN.

I wanna hear ‘em!

In Love,